goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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