there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
