So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
