Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
