I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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