This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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