I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
