mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
