it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
