Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
