I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
