i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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