I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If I die, sorry about rent.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
