YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
