be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Boobs are out for the taking
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just want to make out with him forever
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
