Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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