i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
