Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
