the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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