those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
