just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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