Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You are a genius and a whore.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
