I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
