I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
