HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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