and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
