Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
