i jhust puked up my retainher.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
