getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
