My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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