I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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