I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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