Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
