Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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