hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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