Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
