Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
