like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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