Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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