I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
