i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
