I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
