I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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