Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
