I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
