soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
