Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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