i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
