Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
