you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
