Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
